HOW TO STOP LOSING YOURSELF IN LIFE

It can be exhausting when you find that you are losing yourself in all the different roles you have to play in your life. You may be a sister, mother, friend, leader, caregiver, an aunt, a writer or a business partner.

It can be easy to forget who we are in the midst of those roles. 

Each role has different expectations and behaviors associated with it. And these roles can act as filters that limit the expression of our true selves. If you get lost in the roles you play it can lead to stress and confusion. It becomes less confusing when you stay close to who you really are.

Wouldn’t it be freeing to not let your roles define your worth?

Free Yourself From The Roles

Start by truly expressing yourself without thinking about how you have to behave in a specific role. When you let go of the limits you have on yourself in your roles, and you begin to interact with everyone freely it can help other people do the same. They’ll begin to see that they don’t need to act in a limited way either.

To help you free yourself the first step is to be aware you are acting a role in the different aspects of your life. Think about how you behave differently in the different roles. And ask yourself why you behave a certain way in each role. 
If there is something limiting you in some roles, because there is an expectation that you think you have to live up to, then as you become aware of that, start to learn to love yourself and express yourself by being who you really are.

This will help you find your own self-worth. And it will drive you towards your own dreams, not what someone else thinks your life should be. 

Let go of all expectations and just be authentic. 

Try to spend more time around people who really light you up and are good for your mental health whenever possible. 

The Best Way To Do That Is To Get Clear On Your Values

What are your values? They are your core beliefs and foundational to living your life to its fullest potential.

Your core beliefs determine how you live and work.  They help you decide if something is important or not worth doing. Usually, life is good when your behavior matches your values and core beliefs.

What happens when they don’t match? Usually, you’ll experience a lot of inner conflict and struggles. 

GET CLEAR ON YOUR ACCEPTED VALUES

Identify what your top values are. What are the things you strongly believe in? Go deep in trying to identify them. These could be things you’ve believed but were never able to truly express the way you would’ve liked to. You were stuck losing yourself in your daily life and the roles you play.

Write out a list of your core values and what they mean to you and how they resonate with you. 

Do a Daily Action Audit

Now that you have a better understanding of what your core values are, pick something you would like to see more of in your life as a whole. Pick something that’s most interesting and important to you right now and work towards that.

Daily write down the actions you took to achieve your goal. As time goes on, you can reexamine your goals and refocus if necessary. 

Reflect on your actions and ask yourself these questions:

  • Is there any action I can improve on? 
  • Did everything go smoothly or not?
  • Did my actions help me achieve my goals?
  • Am I getting closer to my authentic self?
  • Is my true self becoming more visible in all my roles?
  • Did I spend my time wisely?
  • Did I expand my knowledge on the belief I want to live out every day?

After a month or two, reflect on how far you’ve come. Look at what you may need to do better or smarter in the future.

Treat yourself kindly just like you would someone else that you were helping to accomplish something.

When you audit yourself regularly, you begin to see that you’re making meaningful progress. It helps you focus and prioritize what’s important to you. As you analyze your life and the areas you want to change in order to live your authentic life, you will see improvement in everything. 

Many people simply don’t know how to improve. If you track your life and the actions you take, you’ll learn more about your personal situation and behavior. 

You’ll begin to see what’s similar in your different roles and what things you may do out of fear or expectations. Once those are identified, you can work on improving those areas. 

At times you may notice some bad habits or unhealthy behavior. These shouldn’t go unchecked as they can take you off course in your goals, purpose, and plans for the future.


Accepting who you are and not conforming to what’s expected of you in the roles you play, can be a big step in preventing you from losing yourself in your life. It’s amazing to think that when you accept who you are, other people will too. You won’t have to play roles according to what’s expected anymore. You can be your true authentic self all the time. It takes courage to show up as yourself. This means letting go of the fear of rejection. But once you do, you’ll truly be free. You won’t have to seek approval from anyone which is so exhausting. You really don’t need anyone to approve who you are or your self-worth. 

How can you take action that will bring you closer to your values?

If you feel you need some extra guidance or someone to talk with, check out this helpful guide from ConsumersAdvocate.org on online therapy.

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